grumpiness in the morning, because school and shit like that. dad was being kind of annoying, and when i asked him to leave me alone he got pissy and i just gave up and started baiting him. first time in an awfully long while, and i hate saying it, but it was...fun? *smack* got flipped out at (totally deservedly, this time), stormed out on, etc. almost started hyperventilating, started breathing very deeply and calming down. then 2 minutes out the door on the walk to school the snow was just too much like tears and i started crying. put pennywise in the discman to get a sharp dose of cynicism and teenage rebellion so i could get through school, and it just didn't work. cried halfway there, got into the building and dumped my coat, my stuff, wandered around a bit totally on another planet. weird morning, found ms. buttaro after first block and made an appointment. english, spanish, meeting with MB, 45 minutes of weirdness. talked, couldn't really get out what i meant, but felt sort of better because i was so close to crying and didn't and felt in control and shit like that. lunch, got a pass to go to ceramics during study so i could actually finish my pot, then off to gym and then history. took the multiple choice section, got jokingly yelled at for not telling her earlier, felt inexplicably guilty, went to pottery last block and satisfied my grubbiness urge. started feeling better, got a little bit of love after school that i really needed, walked home. was too cynical for mom, got a door slammed in my face. she hid in the study for 20 minutes or so, went to ariela's and was rather out of it. ariela drove me home, then dinner and will and grace. slightly better, then listening to JCSuperstar.
in short: revels=awesome, parents=immature, i=apatheticandstupid
who are you, what have you sacrificed?
...do you think you're what they say you are?
conclusion: the middle segment of judas' death scene (in between "does he love me too? does he care for me?" and "my god...i'm sick...i've been used") has the coolest music ever, and should be made into a techno song that would be perfect dance music. simply too cool for words.
gillian: shrink for hire. cooks, cleans, subscribes to most every whim. specializes in reality checks and stiff doses of cynicism, practical to a fault, can be compassionate when need is great enough. payment/tips requested in the form of queer movies.